Toxic Relationships
The desire to remain in ‘toxic relationships’ even with the handwriting on the wall shows impending disaster, plays a major role towards our well-being or lack thereof. As we strive to maintain these ‘toxic relationships’, we continue to anchor ourselves in them despite the warning signals and the downward spiral with rock-bottom in sight. Either through denial via the ‘ego’ or just plain stupidity, we cling on to them as our lifeline; amplifying ‘enabling and/or codependency.
Some time ago in a family session with a male addict in treatment and his girlfriend of 7 years discovered that he was in a toxic relationship with her and her 2 children. In that session, buckets of tears filled the room when they both acknowledged that the ‘hour of decision’ was upon them; the girlfriend was the big time ’Enabler’ and he was the ‘Co dependent’ of her enabling. Or, they could stay together in spite of the facts and continue to live in misery.
The client finally decided to ‘do the next right thing’ and ended the relationship. It was hard, because change is hard, but necessary. While still in treatment and grieving the loss of the relationship, he applied to a prestigious college and was accepted. This’teachable open-minded client took the suggestions of exploring ‘people’, ‘places’, and ‘things’. Not only did he end the ‘toxic relationship; but he also relocated to another state, leaving behind his inherited house and possessions which would have reminded him of his former using days.
Some of us, as we are reading this blog right now know that this topic is timely and applies to you. Hey…….ut the sex is good, the financial portion of the relationship will be damaged, and excuses, excuses, excuses. In active addiction we love a great excuse to numb the pain in our lives that we are trying to escape.
The great apostle Paul encourages us in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to “Examine ourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize that Jesus Christ is in you? Unless indeed you fail to meet the test! In 2 Peter 1:10-11 it says, “Therefore, brothers, be all more diligent to confirm your calling and election, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior jesus Christ,”
What encouraging words! Now is the time to make that move as you break the stronghold of addiction putting self first. There is only one ‘toxic relationship’ that you should be involved with that you do not have to be concerned about. And that ‘toxic relationship’ is with God where ‘Enabling’ and ‘Codependency is permitted with no side effects. Take the leap of faith and break the chains that bind you in your search for sobriety. Until my next blog, ‘Do the next right thing. And remember, ‘nothing changes if nothing changes ‘thus the same man will always use’. What is your strong why I would never use again?
Have a Blessed day in the Lord. You deserve it.
From the desk of Andy Ansola